The Body Language of Confidence
What are some definitive traits of confident people that we can adopt for ourselves through body language and speech patterning?
Be comfortable but controlled. If you watch rich and powerful people give a speech or walk into a room, you'll notice they almost always appear incredibly comfortable in their bodies, and so much of what we take in as humans is absorbing and making sense of what is not being said… we analyze the non-verbal body language of a person continually.
Confident people can look around their environment and take everything in effortlessly. They don't hesitate to take up space. We call it owning a room. Their eyes aren't darting around looking for perceived threats. Instead, they focus on what's around them. There is little to no hesitation to act decisively. They look like they are on a mission. Their shoulders are back, and their spine is straight. Their gait is controlled. They're not gesticulating wildly. Their movements are broad, graceful, and smooth. Their chin is held high, and they make eye contact with others. They respond; they don't react. They command our attention without saying a word. When they reach out to shake hands, their grip is firm. We feel we are the only people in the room with them.
The less confident we are, the less likely we are to make eye contact, look about or stride confidently to where we need to go. We forget that confidence can be quiet and understated. It's about our energy and how we feel about ourselves. It's not about performing for others or trying to be a character we cannot connect to. We can look at someone sitting in a chair and discern their confidence. It may come down to how much space a person controls or gestures while communicating with others. Confident people will tend to lace their fingers or use a steepling position of their hands when making a point. They are engaged but not overly animated. They have a commanding presence just by being themselves. They are not trying to draw attention to themselves.
Leaders understand the temporal aspects of time. They take their time walking to the stage or podium. They aren't in a rush to get through a speech or meeting. They make others feel valued. They take their time speaking and responding. They understand being in the flow and knowing what they say matters. They choose the tempo, cadence, and tone of their responses. They are making deliberate choices instead of reacting to what was just said. They engage in active listening. They aren't constant interrupters desperately trying to be heard. They are fully present in the moment. There is no other place they need to be at the moment they speak to you.
The late actor Cary Grant once said that he learned to become Cary Grant by modeling his behavior off every high-status individual he met. He mirrored how they walked, talked, and behaved until those behaviors were second nature to him.
Today, sociologists would call it engaging in socialization. Simply by going to YouTube and mirroring the behaviors of people you admire, you can train your brain to respond the same way and make that behavior familiar to you. We are not born knowing how to do this. This is a practice. It is learned behavior. High-status leaders will work on their vocabulary, diction, and cadence. When I worked in entertainment, I witnessed several newly promoted senior executives receiving media training. It was a fairly common practice. They were taught how to respond and react to a variety of situations. They were taught how to speak in front of large groups of people and give interviews. Very few people can do this naturally and without practice. Almost every leader worldwide has been trained to appear more confident in public. Most high-profile CEOs and C-suite executives have also had training.
When I started my RTT journey, I knew my voice was an asset, but it still needed work. I would end sentences on an uptick and talk more rapidly than I'd like. I also stumbled over my words. I had to adjust my breathing, so I had a commanding presence when speaking. I also had to decide just how to make my desires a reality. So I practiced the induction script for months. I recorded myself every day to get my rhythm down. I forced myself to listen over and over again so that I became familiar with my voice. Once it became familiar, I could focus on the particulars of what I wanted to change, and in no time, I improved exponentially. I did the same thing with my sessions. Practicing over and over until it became familiar and a part of who I am.
Use cadence effectively. Research has shown that listeners are more likely to tune out what you have to say if you speak rapidly over a prolonged period. Practicing your speech cadence can affect your audience's engagement with what you have to say. Listen to one of the most famous speeches — Dr. Martin Luther King's "I have a dream." He starts his speech by saying, "I… have a dream," and then pauses for dramatic effect. It forces the listener to anticipate what the dream may be about. It forces us to listen more closely to what he's about to say. He does this throughout the speech. The writing has an extraordinary flow and rhythm. Dr. King uses vivid imagery, evocative language, and on-point metaphors to make his message clear and memorable, and then he amplifies that message with a perfect cadence and intonation.
Media trainers will spend a lot of time with clients going over cadence. Teaching them the power of the pause and connecting with the audience during those moments. It's the golden moment you attract and then hold your audience's attention. On a subconscious level, your audience knows you are in charge.
Using an effective rhythm in your speech patterns also denotes that you are here to convey information, not convince your audience of any particular agenda. The late Margaret Thatcher once said, "Being in power is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't". Think about dictators and strong men who use force to try and get their point across. Now think about effective leadership. Confident leaders make declarative statements. They don't go on for an extended period trying to convince others they are correct. When you're in one of your self-defeating stories, how much time do you spend trying to convince yourself you're worthless/wrong/deserving of punishment?
Confident people respond to every situation. They take up space and take their time. Less confident people preen, self-sooth, play with their hair and gesticulate wildly. They're overly jittery, distracting, and detracting from the message.
Former FBI Agent and body-language expert Joe Navarro says it's okay to be nervous about public speaking and acknowledge it to your audience; it makes you relatable and human. Take refuge in knowing that if you study your material, you will know it better than your audience. Then practice it in front of a mirror. Record yourself. Make it familiar to you, so you're not going into a public space cold hoping for the best. Practice breathing and do at least ten rounds of deep breathing to regulate your nervous system.
If you are giving a presentation, take a few moments for yourself before looking out into the audience and engaging with them. Get centered in your body. Remember confidence is a choice. It takes practice. Hone your skills, and know yourself.
Good luck!
