The Truth About Parenting, Childhood Wounds, and Breaking the Cycle

Where Do We Begin?

What makes a good parent? What qualifies as bad parenting?

It’s easy to judge. To blame. To compare and despair. I’ve done my fair share.

Earlier, I shared how my mother’s choices shaped my life. She was a disapproving parent, using words like weapons—designed to break my will, force compliance, and maintain control. But it wasn’t malicious. It was what she learned from her caretakers. She had never been prioritized. She never felt truly safe.

So, she made sure that she was prioritized over me.

Her love felt conditional. Her moods were unpredictable. I never knew what would set her off. I learned to shut down, to scan for danger, to walk on eggshells. My therapist once told me, “You need to move as far away as you can, or you’ll never fully heal.” My relationship with my parents was toxic.

But what if your parents weren’t anything like mine, and you still feel that something was missing?

What if you entered adulthood feeling unseen, unheard, or unvalued—despite having parents who were present, hardworking, and well-intentioned?

Many of my clients had parents who were distracted. Not cruel, not abusive—just overwhelmed by life. They were focused on obligations, careers, and living the “American Dream.” They wanted their kids to get perfect grades, be homecoming royalty, and land prestigious jobs—because it reflected their success as parents.

But in their quest to raise “good” kids, many failed to raise whole ones.

The Silent Wound of Conditional Love

Even if they weren’t harsh, many parents had rules for being lovable.

Be impressive. Be polite. Be easy. Be who I need you to be.

And so, children learned:

• If I’m struggling, I should hide it.

• If I have emotions, I should suppress them.

• If I’m not excelling, I should try harder—because failure is unacceptable.

They learned that authenticity was a risk.

And now, as adults, they’re still performing. Still seeking approval. Still believing that their worth is tied to how much they achieve, provide, or please.

The Generational Cycle of Judgment and Shame

If you have children, you know the judgments come fast.

Are they well-mannered? Are they kind? Are they accomplished?

It’s easy to get caught up in how they appear, rather than who they actually are.

Good parents will still miss the mark sometimes. But what matters is how they show up when they do.

How they handle differences. How they address emotions. How they separate the action from the child.

My parents were incredibly conservative. My mother, especially, was intolerant of anything “different.” I spent years distancing myself from her—terrified that I would be seen as just like her. I created rigid definitions of good and bad, right and wrong. I held myself to impossible standards.

And I see that same rigidity in the world today.

A generation that values authenticity—but is terrified to live authentically.

A world that preaches justice—but often delivers punishment.

People who call out inauthenticity in others—but struggle to claim their own truth.

Social media amplifies it. The need to be flawless, filtered, and approved.

We fear being “canceled,” misunderstood, judged.

We’ve stopped allowing people to be messy, imperfect, human.

The Root of It All: Unhealed Childhood Wounds

It all starts so innocently.

A child makes a mistake. The parent reacts—not from love, but from shame, embarrassment, or fear of judgment. The punishment doesn’t match the action—it matches the parent’s own unhealed wounds.

And the child internalizes the message:

“I am loved when I am good. I am safe when I am perfect. I am worthy when I perform.”

The cycle repeats.

“But My Parents Weren’t That Bad”—Guilt and the Need to Protect

Many of my clients struggle to acknowledge their childhood wounds because their parents weren’t “bad.” They feel guilty for even questioning if their needs were met. They rush to protect their parents from my judgment.

But RTT isn’t about blame. It’s about awareness.

It’s about recognizing the impact, lifting the veil, and understanding why you feel the way you do.

Because the truth is—most people just want peace.

They want to feel at home in themselves.

They want love, success, connection—without chronic self-doubt, guilt, and burnout.

They don’t want to keep sacrificing themselves just to feel worthy.

Breaking the Cycle: Healing Through Awareness

RTT helps clients:

• Identify the looping thoughts that reinforce self-sabotage.

• Understand how their inner child still controls their reactions.

• Rewire the subconscious to embrace worthiness without conditions.

Most of all, it teaches them this:

You are allowed to acknowledge your pain without discrediting your parents’ love.

You are allowed to heal, even if your childhood wasn’t “traumatic enough.”

You are allowed to choose self-worth over self-sacrifice.

Parenting is complicated. Childhood wounds are real. Healing is possible.

Are you ready to break the cycle?