How to Find Peace When the Holidays Feel Heavy
The holidays are supposed to be joyful, but what if they feel heavy instead? What if the twinkling lights, festive music, and endless invitations only amplify what’s missing?
For many, this season stirs up emotions we didn’t anticipate—disappointment, resentment, grief, or loneliness. And the pressure to be happy can make those feelings even harder to sit with. When we push them down, they don’t disappear. Over time, they take root—leading to chronic stress, burnout, and a nervous system stuck in overdrive.
But here’s the truth: you don’t have to stay stuck in those feelings. You have the power to reframe your experience and create a holiday season that feels lighter, more peaceful, and more aligned with you.
1. Rewrite the Story You’re Telling Yourself
Our inner dialogue shapes how we see the world. During the holidays, old beliefs tend to resurface:
• “I don’t belong.”
• “This holiday is ruined because…”
• “I’ll never feel happy like everyone else seems to be.”
Let’s take a common scenario: You walk into a family gathering, and within minutes, someone makes a comment that stings. Maybe it’s about your career, your relationship status, your parenting, or something deeply personal. You feel yourself shutting down, already regretting coming.
What happens next?
Most of us react in one of two ways: we internalize it (“They’re right, I’m failing”) or we armor up (“This is why I can’t stand being here”). But what if there was a third option?
Try flipping the script:
• “Their words don’t define me. I define me.”
• “I’m here for connection, not validation. I choose how much power I give to this moment.”
• “I can disengage without disconnecting. I can set a boundary without shutting down.”
Even the smallest shift in language can change how you feel. Your brain listens to the words you use—so speak to yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend.
2. Focus on What You Can Control
The holidays often highlight things that feel out of our control—family dynamics, financial stress, the weight of expectations. But even when you can’t control everything, you can still take charge of your experience.
Here’s how:
• Set boundaries: If certain gatherings feel overwhelming, allow yourself to leave early—or opt out altogether. Your peace is worth protecting.
• Create small moments of joy: Find the rituals that bring you comfort, whether it’s lighting a candle, listening to a favorite song, or watching the snowfall.
• Shift your focus to small wins: Instead of bracing for what could go wrong, start noticing what goes right. Did you make it through a tough conversation with grace? Did you enjoy your favorite holiday dish? Small wins add up.
Focusing on what is within your control helps you feel grounded, even when everything else feels chaotic.
3. Anchor Yourself in the Present Moment
When emotions run high, our minds time travel—we ruminate on the past or anxiously project into the future. But the present moment is where your power lives.
To bring yourself back:
• Breathe intentionally: Try the 4-7-8 technique—inhale for four seconds, hold for seven, exhale for eight. It’s scientifically proven to calm the nervous system.
• Use sensory grounding: Name five things you see, four things you feel, three things you hear, two things you smell, and one thing you taste. This simple exercise pulls you back into the now.
• Place your hand on your heart: Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and remind yourself: This moment is enough.
The more you practice being present, the easier it becomes to let go of stress and connect with what truly matters.
You Deserve Peace
The holidays don’t have to look perfect to hold meaning. They don’t have to feel magical to be worthwhile. This season is an opportunity—to reconnect with yourself, to redefine what this time of year means for you, and to practice choosing peace even when life feels messy.
If the weight of the season feels like too much to carry alone, you don’t have to. You deserve support. You deserve ease.
And if you need a little help finding it, I’m here.
As Eileen Caddy once said:
"Gratitude helps you to grow and expand; gratitude brings joy and laughter into your life and into the lives of all those around you."
Wishing you a peaceful and transformative holiday season!
